You're Invited!!

YOU are cordially invited to attend a lavish

PITY PARTY

hosted by and FOR

ME!!! (Stacy)

When?                              Today, possibly tomorrow.  We'll see how it goes.

Where?                             My place, cuz I ain't leavin'

What can you bring?          Maybe some Cheetos and a 6 pack of Oberon (more if you expect me to let you have some)

Why?                                Because today was just "one of those days."

-----

Ugh.  I'm in a funk people.  What happened to all that motivation and positive outlook I had a mere two months ago??  How is it possible to have been MORE motivated in crappy February than I am now when the weather is gorgeous, the birds are singing, my tulips look lovely...?

What's up, you ask? (Or maybe you didn't, but you're still reading this, so I'm gonna tell you anyways!)

My workout this morning felt like torture.  Actual physical torture.  I'm really starting to get down on myself and wonder if I was certifiably INSANE when I agreed to do this race coming up.  Yes, I have two months left to train, but most of my May will be CRA- A - A- ZY.  Plus I really thought I'd be feeling better by now, or at least like I'm improving.  But I literally can't run more than 5 minutes without feeling like my face is on fire, my shins are about to snap and my heart is going to explode.  And I'm supposed to be able to do that for 30+ minutes?!?!

But that's not even the worst part.  The worst part is that I'm starting to get bitter.  Bitter not just at myself, but at the people around me that used to inspire me.  I feel like I'm being left behind.  Like everyone else is off running 3, 4, 5, 10 miles and I'm struggling through 3 laps at the gym.  I used to think, "Well, hey - if so-and-so can do this, I sure as heck can!!"  But now I'm starting to think that "those people" have something I must not have.  They must have been runners before.  Or they must be stronger than I am.  Or have better shoes.  Or are just better at "pushing through the pain" than I am.  I dunno.  But I used to take strength from their successes.  Now I just want to trip them as they run by me on the track!

So clearly, I need to get a grip here.  I need to figure out where my motivation has wandered off to.  Perhaps my upcoming weekend in Traverse City with some great girlfriends will help (so long as no one mentions how "Fantastic they felt on their 6 mile run this morning" or how they "just L-O-V-E that runner's high").  And, if that doesn't help, then I guess there's always Cheetos and Oberon, right?

Comments

[Sandy (Mom)]

Wish I could come! Pick yourself up by the "bootstraps" (blast from the past) and keep up the good work you have already started! You will only beat yourself up more later if you don't do it now! You know I'm pulling for you.

[Stacy]

Thanks, mom!! Even if no one else reads my blog (or at least comments on it!), it sure is nice to have YOUR support!

[Kate]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! I would love to be a runner, but I will never be one. I only run now if someone is chasing me. I choose other things like the eliptical. And if it makes you feel any better - I just joined East Hills and took a class with a bunch of skinny women and I thought I was going to die by the end. Talk about discouraging. I'm not going to give up yet though. I hope today was better!

[Stacy]

Thanks for the comment, Kate. I'm right there with ya!! I never thought I'd be a runner and am finding that this REALLY might not be for me LONG TERM. But I am committed to doing this race and the competitive person in me rarely allows me to cut myself any slack. I'm trying to reframe the whole experience mentally, though, and I think thats helping =) My run today was HARD, but I got through it. I think what's so frustrating is that I, too, can into a groove on the elliptical. I can knock out 30 minutes no problem on that thing, but then I try to run for 30 seconds and keel over! WTF?!

So, yea - I think having goals is great, but it's almost put more pressure on me than I think I needed at the moment. One thing I will say about the "Y" is that I never feel surrounded by Skinny wankers like I did at MVP. The diversity you see in shapes and sizes is pretty cool. So if you ever get tired of the SB's at East Hills, come join the real ladies of the Y!!